Who Knows?
Many years ago, after a long, hard two hours at preschool, I brought my tired son home and warmed up some leftovers for lunch. As much as he wanted to twirl his spaghetti, he became frustrated with the process. Cautiously, I asked him if he wanted me to cut it. If you have dealt with tired, hungry kids, you know I was walking a tightrope here. I let him know that I did not have to cut his pasta; I would only cut it if he wanted me to. After refusing my offer a couple of times, he decided he wanted it cut. Just to make sure, I once more presented cutting merely as an option which he could accept or decline. He decided he definitely wanted the pasta cut.
When the cutting was finished, sadness engulfed him. He put his head down and immediately began to cry. He said, “Mama, I didn’t want you to cut my spaghetti!” As I consoled him, I gently reminded him that I had asked several times, and he had decided he absolutely wanted it cut. Then he replied, “But I didn’t know I was going to change my mind!”
To be fair, no one could have possibly known he was going to change his mind. He couldn’t predict how his future self would feel or what he would want. Memories like this make me appreciate how fully I am known by the Lord. He understands me when I don’t even understand myself. The Psalmist describes it this way:
You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. (Psalm 139:1-6 NIV)
As deeply as I know my own children—their abilities, preferences, motives, and personalities—our heavenly Father knows us better. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows our thoughts and understands them too. He not only knows our actions, but also understands the “why” behind them. Amazingly, though he knows us so intimately, God loves us unconditionally. Despite our human frailty and the many ways we fall short of his standard, God’s attention, presence, guidance, and protection are proofs of his great love for us. They are the reasons why the Psalmist can fully trust God with his heart.
Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24 NIV)
There is no escaping God, nowhere to hide from him or evade his notice. No matter how far away from him we think we are, his guiding hand can still reach and hold us. Even in the dark, when we seem to be buried by anxiety, confusion, or grief, his light still reaches us. And though we may not know or understand ourselves, may struggle with a decision, and might even change our minds completely, he is not surprised, but has our days ordered and ordained in his book. God knows us so thoroughly that he even knows and understands the anxious thoughts we have.
Because God knows us so completely, we can come to him honestly. We do not have to hide our confusion, pretend we have all the answers, or fear that our changing hearts will catch him off guard. Instead, we can trust that the One who knows us best is also the One who loves us most. Furthermore, his extreme love draws us to him. God pays such close attention and knows us so deeply that his love for us invites and compels us to know him.
Friend, I encourage you to lean into God’s love today. He has searched you out; he knows your thoughts, actions, and motivations. He knows your past, your future, and everything in between—and loves you still.